Some people say that I am thick,

and wasn't very bright at school.

But as the years went by,

I found out I was no-one's fool.

I wasn't good at adding up,

I thought two and three was four.

But in the end I worked it out

and that twenty was a score.

My English was a disgrace,

My spelling was even worse,

But when it came to poetry,

I could put words in verse.

They tried to teach me science,

But that didn't last long,

Because I blew up the lab,

And left an awful pong.

They taught me geography,

And from India you get tea,

Well I knew where the corner shop was,

Which was a lot nearer for me.

They even taught me how to cook,

Something exotic like beans on toast.

But toaster blew up full of beans,

So we moved on to Sunday roast.

I even did acting at school,

Did plays like what someone wrote,

And even read prayers at Assembly,

Or out of a bible with a quote.

But when it came to exercise,

This was where I wasn't thick.

I left it to the others,

And said that I was sick.

Updated: 11:59 Thursday, October 04, 2001