UNDERSTANDING my telephone account has always evaded me, despite at various times over the years, sitting down and trying to get to grips with it. I did so once again this week, prior to paying it, without much success, for never shall I understand why the totals of each group are printed above the list of debits, rather than below them (it's usual to add a column downwards isn't it?). And why they are on the left-hand side of the page when, in all everyday, normal, accounting, total figures appear on the extreme right hand side?

The trouble with finding things out from BT is the extreme difficulty in actually speaking to a person. For this quarter, I want to know why four of my Friends and Family numbers have been charged for under the 'National' heading. If I can manage to allocate a spare hour to try and locate a person, rather than an answering machine, then I might be able to put my question to them - a forlorn hope, but I'll have a go.

The 'old rope' saga rolls on, and this week I had a letter from Joan Porter adding to last week's comments. Joan tells me that she had intended to write some time earlier "but a slight stroke got in the way". She complains about her hand-writing, being restricted to her left hand, but I found it much easier to read than some, and her spirit is much admired in keeping interested in items of topicality and, indeed, in putting pen to paper. We all hope you will continue to make good progress, Joan. She enlarges on the 'money for old rope' phrase with reference to the fact that recycling it was a 'brutal' job. It tore the fingers, and broken 'floating' fibres resulted in nasal and lung problems. Because of this, the work of unravelling old rope was delegated to prisoners in Dartmoor. She did enlarge on the system of hammering the thin strips of old rope between the deck planking, before being covered in pitch, and that she feels sure that Dickens mentions this product of 'oakum' as 'okum', capping her comments with the hope that I would be able to unravel it. Many thanks Joan. Get well.

That breakfast cereal 'Force' crops up again, twice in fact. Vera and Norman Armour of Crambeck Village wrote to me enclosing a national newspaper cutting, with a 'spot the difference' competition, depicting Sunny Jim, and giving as prizes a year's supply of the cereal, as well as ten limited editions of the Sunny Jim doll, in a 100 years anniversary event. For some reason, Force doesn't appear to be available locally, although my mum used to get it at Norton Co-op, when I was a boy, and I now have to make sure on getting some by going to Helmsley. The other event was the very kind gift of a Force tea-tray from Sylvia Pidgeon of Salton, which also depicts Sunny Jim in his bright red frock coat. A lovely surprise, and useful too. Many thanks. I don't know what Nestle's policy is regarding this delightful cereal, as one never sees it advertised in this area, but, like a few other household products, it is wonderful to know that it has stood the test of time, for it is just that bit 'different'.

And talking of household products ... after leaving my pre-war army unit and joining a Lancashire unit in Manchester, the mention of 'bleach' sometimes cropped up. Now I'd never heard of bleach before, as a household product, yet the Lancs folk seemingly had been using it for years. We knew about bleach-paste, for this we had to use if attacked by mustard gas, and we all carried a small tin of it in our gas mask cases. Perhaps it was one of those things the city dweller could get, but we country bumpkins hadn't yet been introduced to it. I know, however, that by the time the war was over, it was in general use, even in Malton. I think Domestos was the first trade name I remember, for I had brought home one of those huge Nazi banners in bright red, and wondered how I could perhaps change the colour of the material to make a romper suit for our first child. Talking to some lady customers in my sister's shop in Saville Street, I mentioned my problem. Knowingly, they all said: "Oh, Domestos will take the colour out - it'll shift anything". Oh, great, I thought, and they smiled at each other as I left with my new-found 'knowledge'. Obviously they hadn't come up against anything like these banners, for the colour just couldn't be moved. Thinking about it afterwards, it wouldn't have done if all those thousands of banners hanging from on high had shown even the tiniest bit of fading. Someone would have been for the high jump if they had. So our little one got a red romper suit!

Today's smile. "I've never had a great many baths and.... it doesn't make a great difference to health. As for appearance, most of that is underneath and nobody sees it." Hugh Gaitskell. British Labour politician (1906-1963).

Updated: 10:41 Wednesday, September 04, 2002