WRITERS of children's fiction have obviously not been to school for a while: from Enid Blyton to J K Rowling, they all seem to think going back to school is a huge treat. Why? With term time starting yet again, it puzzles me. Doesn't everyone else hate having to go back too? I hate the end of Christmas. The tree comes down, it's suddenly considered unacceptable to have half a tin of Celebrations for dinner and, worst of all, it's the joy of going back to school.

Apparently, your schooldays are the best of your life. If that's true, I don't hold much hope for the future. It's not that I really hate the lessons and the teachers - truth is most of them are fine. And yes, it is nice to be around your friends. But it's less nice to be thrust back in again with all the people you don't get on with. And going from a day consisting of watching re-runs of The Fimbles, maybe dragging yourself into town if feeling particularly energetic, to getting up at 7am, double maths and a mountain of homework to do when you get home - please, which is going to be more appealing?

Besides, the start of the holidays always seems so full of promise. You'll get all your homework done on the first day so you've got two straight weeks with which to see your friends, get a fabulous haircut that somehow won't cost you anything, bungee jump off the Eiffel Tower and learn several new languages. But by the last weekend, you're frantically trying to finish the geography coursework that you haven't quite started yet and it suddenly occurs to you that you actually spent three straight days without getting out of bed. Reality hurts. But adults seem to have forgotten all this. Bless them, they seem to genuinely believe that going back to school is a big treat. Trying to explain that it's like having to go back to work at the end of the weekend is futile - apparently school is nothing like work and we don't appreciate how lucky we are. Whatever. So please, parents, stop acting as though the return to school is the most thrilling event of our lives. It's bad enough we have to go back at all.

Updated: 11:34 Wednesday, January 07, 2004