I HAVE just run myself a hot, bubbly, scented bath as I feared anyone sitting down to share a meal with me might require a very strong nose peg to stop the overpowering scent of eau de drains that I was drenched in.

The reason? An ongoing problem with the loo in the guest bathroom, which, virtually as soon as it was out of the plumbers guarantee, has ceased to flush with any semblance of efficiency.

Rather, it prefers to fill itself to near overflowing as soon as the loo is flushed, presenting the recent user with a floating mass of tissues and things I would rather not mention.

We have attempted to reseal all round the edges of the loo and anywhere else we thought might be the source of the leak, but to no avail.

It is not as though we are unaccustomed to dealing with effluent and excrement. Especially that issuing from the rear ends of cows, sheep and hens. Dogs too.

Here Millie, our Jack Russell, is an arch criminal and conscienceless creature who will leave her signature poo anywhere she feels convenient. After all, why go out in the wet and cold when a comfy warm carpet or rug is the ideal place.

I threaten her time and again with a cork up her bum, but she is has no qualms in looking apologetic and innocent when presented with the evidence, and then several hours later, sneaks off to perpetrate the same crime again.

Matters, or once again matter, came to a head, or over the top of the loo to be more precise, this morning. “Mamma” came the shriek from a shocked granddaughter who objected to the dual purpose flush and bidet effect that the loo is currently offering.

Time to stop procrastinating and discover the real cause of the problem. John, clambered up a ladder to disconnect the fall pipe and see if a blockage there was the problem.

I jabbed away with the drain rods. A sodden mass of loo paper and worse flushed past and splashed back onto me. Lovely stuff.

The final resort has been to remove the loo; which revealed the problem. A cracked outflow in the toilet itself.

I, newly bathed and refreshed am going nowhere near that bathroom. Nor near John; until he has replaced the outflow and had a deep, hot, bubbly and scented bath himself.