OLYMPIC gold for putting the English language through more hoops than a fairground stall this week goes to....Yorkshire Water.

Chief executive Richard Flint must be deafened by cheers for assuring us his company will keep up the “same great service”. Customers can rejoice that the business intends to reduce profits. That will mean lower bills then, will it? Er no. In the same letter he tells us our bill will only rise by inflation this year. All this at a time when many have had either below inflation level wages increases for years or worse. Things are, of course, different for Mr Flint who we pay £1,091,000. Kevin Whiteman, the chairman, scrubs along on £1,077,000. What is also missing in the letter is mention of 2013 operating profit – more than £331m - up almost £20m.

It is wonderful to know Yorkshire Water intends to reduce its profits, but what we are not told is by how much. The promise might not ring so hollow were it not for the abject failure to protect homes and business from flooding by sewage. Hang on though. Haven’t we had a fanfare about that – a new pumping station in Norton. We might be forgiven for thinking – or allowed to believe – that this problem is solved. Except what wasn’t said by the spokesman was how many properties will benefit from the investment or where the homes are. It turns out that the new pumping station will protect one home. Yes, that’s right, just one.

That property is in Langton Road.

While any improvement is welcome, the rest of us remain abandoned.

Yorkshire Water continues to evade responsibility for its sewage threatening homes in Norton, Brawby and Malton. It also provides Malton and Norton with a free water feature – lovely lakes of sewage. How generous to also frequently turn Brawby into an effluent-filled canal although it is true that others should chip in.

Yorkshire Water ought to be investing to make its system secure and safe. It isn’t spending a penny.

At least we have the comfort of knowing Mr Flint’s firm quadrupled its dividend payment from £62m to £256m in the past year. I feel so much better knowing that. Okay, I don’t.