WHAT a good Easter break, with gradually improving weather and temperatures.

Has anyone heard "the merry cuckoo, messenger of spring"?

Judy and I were sure we caught the distinctive call on the last three mornings, but further research has shown it to be a collared dove, straight out of the Rory Bremner school, doing its cuckoo act! Jeremy, our vicar, said that this Easter's pulpit joke was not fit for publication but here it is, echoing how easily misunderstandings arise in today's world.

A wealthy neighbour decided to brighten up the front of his house in time for Easter and wanted to paint his porch a bright daffodil yellow.

Jim, the gardener and rather simple handyman, was asked to do the job, for which he quoted £30.

Thinking this looked incredibly cheap, he duly bought the paint last week and went off to London with his wife.

Wanting it to be a surprise, the rich man rang Jim to see if the task was completed.

"Oh yes, I've done it. But, by the way, your car is not a Porsche, it's a Ferrari!"

As with most matters which they get their hands upon, this Government has the Midas touch for making anything more complicated, confused and unworkable.

The concept was quite sensible - that all the boundaries of land ownership in the country should be set down at a moment in time and DEFRA duly commissioned its digital mapping survey last year

By all reports, the first draft sent out for checking proved to be largely inaccurate and full of mistakes.

These have now been returned, corrected, by the individual owners and, in some cases, a second draft produced, which is also not guaranteed to be accurate

The idea was that the new agreed areas and numbers should be used for all future documentation, including this year's IACS form, but please take head of this warning.

If you have not agreed the areas with DEFRA, then the best advice seems to be that you should use the old areas and send an explanatory note with the form.

A question frequently asked this spring concerns the question of forage acres, so far as they relate to both the period of letting in general, and dairy men in particular.

The new rules for entitlement to the single farm payment, which is effective next year, require a ten-month occupation of land, rather than the seven months which is currently the benchmark for forage

To make life easier, DEFRA has pronounced that the occupational period cannot start before September 1 in any year, but so far has failed to give a finishing date.

It is probable that the finishing date will be either at the end of the calendar year following, or even early into the New Year after that.

However, some doubting Thomases are worried that their future entitlement will be affected if they let their land for forage acres beyond August 30 this year.

The simple answer is to make your grazing agreements start on February 1, and end formally on August 31, which satisfies the IACS rules; and thereafter allow your grazier the right of hold-over, albeit the formal tenancy has come to an end.

Dairy men are likewise concerned, because this is the first year they have had to complete an IACS form in order to get the Dairy Premium and Additional Payment.

Those wishing to make a claim under this heading need to tick the boxes in Section VIII of the IACS base form.

If the producer lets off some of his land for forage acres, then he will also need to show in Section II, paragraph 15, how that land is shared.

Professional opinion tends to view that, if you fill in this part of the form on a shared basis, then you can continue to benefit from letting off forage acres.

I could not let the event pass without reporting to you that Timothy the Tortoise has died at the age of 160, being Britain's oldest resident.

Since his retirement from the Navy, Timothy has lived for the past century at Powderham Castle, in Devon.

However, he spent his first 40 years on the high seas, as a Royal Navy mascot, seeing active service during the bombardment of Sebastopol in 1854 and in the East Indies in 1857-1860.

"This entitled him to both service medals," said his biographer-historian Captain George Cardew, "but it was typical of the tortoise's modesty that he chose not to wear them!"

It seems Government policy to nibble at the edges of any grants directly payable to farmers, and this certainly is the case with the bag of gold at the end of the Single Farm Payment rainbow.

DEFRA made another announcement last week to apply an initial reduction of the 3pc which is the maximum allowed to put into the national reserve. Add to this the deductions for modulation, and it is possible that our first payment for 2005 will be 13pc less than we bargained for; and even then we won't get it until 2006.

David Sheppard reports that the usual Easter doldrums have been in evidence and grain activity has been slow.

Old crop prices have struggled as the pound has firmed against the euro, and there has been little export.

With regard to the coming season, prices are "range bound"; but the prospects of a large EU wheat crop get more certain as time goes by.

Farther afield, we hear conflicting reports from Russia and the Ukraine as to their 2004 harvest. As ever, the key to assessing the market is "accurate" information, which is not often easy to come by.

With regard to the future, David has launched "Gleadell Protect", which is a three-year wheat contract at no cost to the farmer based upon a minimum and maximum price.

This is a first for UK agriculture, and gives farmers a safety net at which to grow wheat right through to 2007-8.

Gleadell has seen a very rapid uptake of the contract across the country, but still has some tonnage available for those interested.

Forward on April 13 were 169 cattle including 55 bulls and 32 cows; 3,314 sheep including 117 lambs and 419 ewes.

Light steers to 108p from L Thompson & Son, Fimber (average 102.8p). Heavy steers to 120p from P M Gibson, Bempton (105.1p).

Light heifers to 116p from J L Gray, Grindale. Medium heifers to 136p from G I Marwood, Harome (112.4p). Heavy heifers to 138p from G I Marwood (109.2p).

Light bulls to 104p from P M Allen, Great Barugh. Medium bulls to 108p from P M Allen (102.4p). Heavy bulls to 113p from J B & K Lun, Wilton (104.3p). Black & white bulls to 104p from R M Teasdale, Scagglethorpe (87.5p).

Standard lambs to 203.9p from C Mudd, Brompton-by-Sawdon (191p). Medium lambs to 222.5p from J E Clifford & Sons, Slingsby (205.8p). Heavy lambs to 168.3p from W Burdass & Son, Harpham (166.3p). Standard hoggets to 158.5p from G I Marwood (146.8p). Medium hoggs to 152.4p from P & I Beal, Settrington (136.4p). Heavy hoggs to 141.3p from F J Hodsman & Son, Eddlethorpe (126p). Overweight hoggs to 125.4p from D J Wilson, Harome (115.5p).

Ewes to £89, from M A Bell & Son, West Lutton (£65.30).

Updated: 12:29 Wednesday, April 14, 2004