What an indecent proposal, Charles (From Gazette & Herald)

What an indecent proposal, Charles

ALL I can say is that I'm glad I'm not the one getting married to Prince Charles in a couple of months.

Not because of the ears, or the penchant for talking to plants (though obviously, these things don't work in his favour).

No, what would make me reject him, his power, his estates, his legacy of corgis et al would be his timing in the matter.

Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles announced their engagement to marry on February 10. That's four days before the most romantic day in the calendar, Valentine's, when the Prince of Wales could have gone all out to make it the perfect proposal with hearts and Cartier.

As it was, he chose to pop the question on 'International clean out your computer mouse' day, alongside 'Temporary Insanity' day, so the Internet informs me, and one can only imagine what kind of proposal the future king came up with if he'd done research similar to mine.

I can only think that he must have kept the latter celebratory day a secret from his fiance, unless her sense of humour stretches to the implication that Charles lost his wits a little when deciding to marry her, which in my opinion can only be a good thing for the uptight toff.

Poor Camilla. And while the inheritance of the slightly laughable, sort of fairytale title 'Duchess of Cornwall' may sooth the pain a little, me and my study buddies at school can't pretend that we don't share her exasperation with the opposite sex.

At the advent of yet another Valentine's Day, we decided on a course of action designed to create ripples around school.

Instead of decorating our little room like a Barbie Dream Mansion, as is traditional on these sorts of days. (we got so involved at Christmas that people from next door began to leave their presents under our tree, and even now there are jingle bells emulsioned onto the wall), we decided a complete romantic boycott was in order.

Things just weren't going well, romantically speaking, for study number two. We had a love pentagon ("I just can't make up my mind," - must be tough) from one friend, a couple of turbulent matches that seemed only to serve the purpose of having something to complain about, and for me, a brief dalliance with someone, who I've since been told liked me for my 'personality' (a euphemism for an ugly girl, if ever there was one.) It all ended very unceremoniously when I gave the would-be politician an ultimatum. "Tony Blair or me."

His answer told me everything I needed to know, and I think it's fair to say that I came out of it looking slightly the better of us two.

Don't get me wrong, however. Boys, or men as I think I may prefer, are certainly not off the agenda of anyone in our study.

However, while they have the 'YO' postcode they will be treated with the utmost caution. Camilla - you don't know how lucky you are, with your bloke tall, dark and living in SW1.

Updated: 14:33 Wednesday, February 16, 2005