'Roof coming off' period (From Gazette & Herald)

'Roof coming off' period

PHEW! I can't believe it's October already. About three weeks ago, I thought summer had come to an end, and I even started having the fire on. Now it's back up to 70, even though the sun isn't shining. At this rate, it will be spring again before we know it!

The "roof coming off" period seems to have come to an end, though - I expect you noticed this annual phenomena during the hot weather. Cars passing my house, driver's window wound right down, driver steering with left hand, right hand out of the car, holding on to the roof. So far I haven't seen a roof lift off, and I think this strange quirk has now passed, for this year anyway.

A couple of circulars have landed here, headed for Ryedale IT Centre, which I have read quite closely. They offer free tuition for pensioners in EDCL and New CLAIT, or even CLAIT PLUS. Now I can't find this word Clait in my dictionaries, so don't know what that is about, and as for IT - well, that isn't spelled out on the brochure anywhere, or ECDL, so like many other pensioners, we're in the dark.

I do vaguely recall a time when there were "IT" girls, but as I suspect this has nothing to do with the IT Factor, it must be an abbreviation for something beyond everyday usage. A few abbreviations come to mind, like, IA - immediate action, IFF - identification friend or foe, IG - instructor in gunnery, IO - intelligence officer, IS - internal security, oh, lots more, but sadly, no IT.

I have a telephone which needs a replacement item and so thought I'd ring BT and find out what to do, as there isn't a BT shop in York anymore. Looking in the phonebook under BT, it said "See our display advertisement under BT". As I was already 'under BT', this was somewhat confusing. However, ten pages further on, I came across it, but the options listed didn't quite seem to fit in with what I wanted; a spare part. However I went for "To enquire about a BT service" and was guided back to The Link where the phone came from. I gave Link a call next morning and they said to take it over to York and they "would have a look at it". An English expression which roughly means, "we are not quite sure what you mean", although my requirements were simple enough. So over to York I went. "Oh yes, all you need is this item, screwing off the offending part, but we don't stock them. You need to ring BT, the manufacturers on 790 8070, which, when I got home, I proceeded to do. And what do you think? I got three choices (Wot - only three?). I stuck a pin in one of them, as some are often very ambiguous, and eventually found that, "We do not repair items - you need to ring 769 7330."

So, still fairly fresh on my journey of discovery, and after a wait whilst "our operators are busy", I was asked what telephone I had (after my postcode, house number and telephone number) and I said it was a Quartet 1100. The operator, who spoke very quickly and in not-quite-perfect English, said: "But you said it was BT telephone. Now you say it is a Quartet."

"Yes, indeed, it is a BT Quartet" was my response. "Well, we only do Synergy (which I later found out was another BT telephone), and you should ring 130 1321 after 9 o' clock in the morning." When I did this, the following day, I was answered by a quiet-spoken girl, which called for a lot of repetition, but we eventually got there, and she promised my spare part in three or four working days. I had a feeling she had a Yorkshire accent. Anyway, the trail seemed to be at an end, and I now just sit back and wait. But it was a long trek! LINK and BT please note. I'm sure life could be easier in this modern age!

An interesting news item in Greenpeace News relates to the Government's policy on the use of timber, which should be obtained from legal and sustainable sources only. Greenpeace found that the Government was using Indonesian plywood on its new Home Office site, contrary to its own policy, and it was only because Greenpeace invaded the Home Office site that they were found out. As a result, the UK's top timber traders, Travis Perkins, Jewson and Finnforest, have now suspended trade with Indonesia.

Of three crashes reported in the Gazette & Herald (for the week when this was written) I am delighted to see that two use the word 'crash', and only one refers to it as being an 'accident'. As the definition of an accident is 'something which happened without an apparent cause', then motor vehicle crashes cannot be correctly referred to as accidents. I'm hoping that the use of these words gets into their correct perspective eventually, as indeed they appear to be doing. Next step is to get Radio York to get it right, and others.

Things actually said in court:

Q. Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A. The autopsy started around 8.30pm.

Q. And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?

A. No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Updated: 13:00 Wednesday, October 01, 2003